I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
