are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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