I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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