I got chris browned last night
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
