Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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