angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
