I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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