Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
