my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
