were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
