um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I need a beard to bite.
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