So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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