This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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