I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
