I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Randomize
