I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
