i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
