my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize