Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
