dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
