Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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