I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
