then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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