the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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