Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
