i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
