I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish I only lived at night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
