I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
