There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
