Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
