I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
