I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
