Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
