I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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