with your own penis?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
