I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
