please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
