I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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