My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
