We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
