She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
