Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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