I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I woke up under a house in Key West
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize