I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize