I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
