she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I need moral support for this bender
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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