Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize