All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
