just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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