I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
