census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
