its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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