Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
