Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
