Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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