He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
