Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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