I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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