We named our party play list daddy issues
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize