my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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