with your own penis?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i think i just lost a toe
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
