I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
