I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize