I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
