i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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