you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize