Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
