I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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