i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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