Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
