Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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