I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize