Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
