If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
