Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
