His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
