I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
