you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
