ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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