I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can't turn off my feet"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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