YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
