Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Soxnshamrocks hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?

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(480): View more from Arizona

I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in

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(207): View more from Maine

hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.

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(229): View more from Georgia

please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.

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(773): View more from Illinois

The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.

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(094): View more from

After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy

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(212): View more from New York

Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.

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