One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
