so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
