my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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