today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
