if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
