sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
