You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
